The Split Screen Life or Can I Get A Do-over

Wondering why everybody is in such a hurry.  Where are they going? What is so pressing?

The tyranny of the urgent is reigning, in control.

I know.  Its pie day.  Everyone is either rushing to buy a pie or hurrying to bake one.

That has to be it.

The text comes across my screen momma I need a pie.

Now for a 17 year old boy that translates to momma I need a  pie immediately if not sooner.  Stop whatever you are doing right now and produce a pie for me out of thin air, deliver it to my school and save me from myself or bail me out of this mess or keep me from getting a zero for being pie-less or something like that.

In an effort to avoid a second pie-less debacle I text 16 year old and ask do you need a pie too?  No momma I stopped at the grocery store before school and bought a pie. 

Thank you Lord for that gift.

Still scratching my head and in need of an answer to  why we are celebrating pie day any way. I know I know its a math thing.  Another reason to loathe numbers. They want a day to celebrate their  star, pie. I don’t know if I’ve ever used pie in my life.

The urgent beast did start early this morning.  All things pressing in.  I find my mind and my body are living a split screen life.  My mind dreaming of going to Lenten services at noon and planting windowboxes, walking on the beach and savoring the glorious sunshine.  My flesh is going the other direction.

Calling the bakery for the now infamous pie.

Cleaning up a mess, discovering another mess. Loading the laundry, so far away from the sanctuary and the flowers.

Like a beautiful romantic comedy on one screen and a gory story on the History Channel on the split screen, these competing life views play out.

One fills up and restores with blessing and soul-food.

One requires care and attention immediately.  Like a patient being wheeled into the emergency room, the caregivers racing heart ratchets up the pulse in the blur of the urgent. The worry of will the patient be okay without the pouring out of care and attention RIGHT NOW.

So often the fruits of this urgent labor, this tending to under stress and duress is seen in later chapters.  In the later chapters of this book we write out on the pages of their lives, these children, these growing needy ones.

Polishing silver brings instant gratification.  Tarnish one minute.  Bright shiny treasure the next.  A glorious family heirloom hides beneath the black grime.  Swipe, rub, rinse, rub, polish and dry.  A thing of value sparkles.  A transformation of the what lies beneath morphs into a remarkable thing of beauty.

I saw the hidden beauty yesterday.  Latent and hidden for years it lay dormant.  I delighted in watching this hidden talent bubble up and dance around right before this mammas eyes.  Surprised by Joy.  Delighting in a talent we invested in as parents years and years ago.  It came together.  It just needed some polish and care some rubs with the special cloth.

I keep murmuring over and over my surprise, I didn’t know, I didn’t know.

But God showed me a picture of Patience and Perserverance.  Of not giving up or giving out or giving in.

Of extending opportunity and love and care and teaching and grace upon grace upon grace upon grace.

He allowed me to see the fruits.  Maybe not ripe but ripening.  And if I can see this, what more will I see.  What more will I be privileged to see of growth and maturity and the forming of this soul, these souls placed in my care.

And the emails come from the teacher.  The one of concern.  The tyrannical voice  says panic, worry, do something now.

But God’s voice breaks through with the Trust Me’s and the I’ve Shown You Befores. And the I Love Them So Much.

The buzzers on the dryer, washing machine and dishwasher buzz calling for care and attention.  They’ll need to wait.  This split-screen life for now is narrowed down to a single wide screen.  The one where I can see clearly and plainly.  The one where I can look squarely into the eyes of Jesus.

Psalm 46:10 Be Still, and know that I am God.

Proverbs 22:6 Point your kids in the right direction — when they’re old they won’t be lost.– The Message

I am happy for pie.  Every dog needs his day or number or mathematical symbol.  I am not mad at pie.  And no, I don’t really need a do-over.  I just need to reboot and slow down so I can see the beauty beneath the tarnish.

Slow down, so I can, by God’s grace, have the patience to run the race right before me. Caring in love, and with kindness for these precious souls before me who need a serving of momma love with their pie today.

And I need His love moment by moment in this sometimes crazy always wonderful big screen life.

Salty, Seafoamy, Sandy – Grace, Amazing

Camping out in this verse for a season:  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the one who makes me who I am. –Phillippians 4:13

The clouds move in.  The sun breaks through.  The cross stands.  A window I walk past often becomes a symbol of Hope and Trust and His Love.

And I am resting too on this verse: “I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.”  Phillippians 4:12

Somedays some of the ingredients in the recipe are missing.

But if I look Heavenward and in His direction and rest on His promises my hands remain full.

Just as a feather has dropped from wing of bird and he’s flown on, so the pressing on

begins or continues.

As sand and sea and salt refresh and renew, so does gazing on all His Glory.

All the possibility of more than just small remnants of Joy becomes clear.

Even as I pen this post, discouragement and frustration wait to pounce.  

But I marvel at His Glory and seek His face. And fix my gaze on all He has created.  This replaces doubt.  This replaces discouragement.  This builds Hope.

And I identify that which I need to return to him.  To lay on the altar.  To offer back to Him.

Release back to Him.  Give that which I was shepherding back to the Shepherd.  Lay it down.

And Marvel at all of His wonder.

“…Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on  to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” –Phillippians 3

And continue to count the gifts.

Opening up to receive and count them all.  Looking expectantly on the day for all that he’ll do and all that he’ll bring and all that he’ll pour out.

Amazing Grace.  Grace so Amazing.

Expectantly living.  Expectantly looking.  With gratitude for all that there is and has been.

Praise God from Whom all blessing flow.  And they do.

*a bedside chat with my happy girl.  The perpetual joyful one.  She shines a spirit of joy in my world daily

*An email from a teacher praising something good.  The gift of taking time to point to what was good and worthy of praise.

*A kiss on the forehead from the Patient One before he leaves, for days.

*A son who arrived to a place of sun, safely and soundly.

*A cheerful face who consistently brightens my Mondays.  Always. Consistently brightening my world with her smile.

*Midweek plans with friends

*Re-connecting with friend for dinner

*Beautiful music in worship yesterday and my daughter whispering in my ear, “I love this song momma” and I said “So do I , so do I”