Don Quixote’s Search

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Don Quixote’s Search

You ride out your brave
Like a thousand men
A thousand women too, no more
Your sturdy mount, your throne
Hooves shod in shoes, step brave
Teamwork for the win

D is for dreamer, Don

Your life, an alphabet soup of how to slay those dragons
In search of small t truth

Headlong into battle
You
You wore brave
Long live your legend, profile in courage
Boldness, your aftershave slapped on cheek and neck
We smell you coming
Chasing hard, chasing fast, chasing true

Fighter of the cause you took up
C is for charge

And C is for cancer
Demons come in all shapes and sizes

Fear found no place
On the back of your mount

It seeks to bully and boss
Make you cower in the corner
Men like you
Women too, the dragon-slayers
Who ride in search of dreams, dusted up in battles of their own
Make no room for excess baggage, space-takers
That take the place of
Faith, hope, and love —weapons of choice

T is for tumor

H is for Hope
C is for cure
And chemo too
F is for freedom
We’re all in search of something, Don

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Don Quixote’s Search first appeared in a collaborative exhibition entitled Environmental Abstracts with friend & artist Laurie Brownell McIntosh. You can find her on Instagram @northlightstudio803

 

 

 

 

 

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Where To Go When The World Gets Loud

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Where To Go When The World Gets Loud

I continue to ask him to turn the volume down. I want it lower and lower. Perhaps I want it off. I cannot tell you the guilt I do not feel. I should want to know about Iran and the agreement which is there but will be fought over and fought over some more. And I have opinions but not the energy nor the desire to opine.

I do not want to hear the news right now. I was raised to use my brain and discuss and wallow in knowledge and knowing. My Facebook newsfeed yesterday horrified me. I now know things I did not know before. I hurt from reality more than I used to. Hiding is for cowards. And yet, I have a choice. Because the bruising from the world leaves me diminished and I cannot be and make and do and love under the weight.

And yet when I stay away,  I cannot pray and cry out about the things which are wrong and bearing down. So I step in and step out. A paradox of fear and trembling and licking the wounds. And exposing myself. And trusting Him to refuel my soul again and again. That is a cycle. Therein is the cycle. That is the refreshing and rebuilding and restoring He is known for.

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I want to be wise and worldly and know. Until I don’t. The most interesting things orbiting around me are about Pluto. I ask him to turn the volume up. If Pluto were one of us, he would have a complex and wonder on his worth. Disney at least named a character for him. And they bury the story in the back end. A whole mass of creation which is in flux and looking for us to name it and give it its proper place in the systems of the galaxies.

They deem it a footnote. I deem it worthy of a poem.

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When the world is loud. Abrasive. And harsh. The garden woos me to herself. And my pen’s siren call to write promises me too, that indeed, yes, there is a place of comfort and quietude. Of gentleness. Sanctuary, like the psalms.  An economy of words. I heard too much and hurt too much from hearing of brokenness and pain. I want my words to heal. And so I retreat to create. I learned of cancer and dementia, crumbling and cruel, nemesis of the living. Again. Coming through like the enemy on the march. They like to stomp on all my people. Or so it seems.

Peace like a river is in the scriptures. And He gives so many the call to write. And to listen well first. To need and want to be alone in the tapping out now. To run it all through the sieve of the pen. For good.

Social media has blessed me beyond and beyond. That is a magnified beyond. But it is loud. And I crave quiet.

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Turning Corners

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Cancer came
Shadow-lurker
Stalker, thief
Took (euphemism for her thievery)
Hauled away some valuables
Uninsured, gone for good
Precious jewels, antiquities
Time laced in silver threads of
joy
Stories of the disease
Giving too
Hovering
Somewhere
Perhaps,
My eyes will see them
Once again

Around the corners of a rounded globe
Are wars,
beyond mere rumors
Rather, raw, real, raging
Robbing
My ears have heard of hidden
Gifts
Tucked  in the outskirts of the pain
Perhaps
My ears will behold the
Telling,
Once again

Dementia crept in
Beneath the shadows
Into the soul of those I love and loved
Stealing memories by the thousands
Robbing us of stories still not told

But I have held the gifts,
Frail, wrapped in parchment
In my ever-wrinkling hands

Gifts uncovered in the dark
Those revealed by light of day
I’ve held these too,
Too many to tell
Entitled
Redemptive love
Story without end, amen

Waiting captures me
Clothes me
Wraps me in robes of knowing
Assures me to

just

Turn the corner
Once,
Again
Touched by a ghost-like
garment passing by
a holy haunting
Threads of silky hope

Redemption clothes us
On the heels of waiting
Out of  moth-balls
I unwrap
Velvet, violet
Comfort from a garment
The ancient
Robe of holy peace

At last.

 

 

Joining Laura for Playdates at The Wellspring

 

The Bicycle

The Bicycle

A ride waited, pregnant
It would tell me when it was time
To labor
Pedal up and down
Run over a million sycamore balls
Like dollhouse sized
Speed bumps

The ride would woo me
Invite me, tell me when it was time
To roll through town
Just in time to see the children scream
In sheer delight

And we are one today
One age, one child
One girl, one woman
Metal melds the years between

I passed the lumpy dog, lazy hound
Looking like a lost coat piled up in the yard
I announced that I’d lost mine and they grinned
Everyone’s a child today
Or plum tuckered out
From play

The sky called for a break
The blues and grays
Announced
We had time
To run outside and play
The town seemed to have a fire-drill
Everyone spilled out at once
After the cold, the threat of rain

And I have my bicycle
On which I can forget that I am
Not the child
Who’ll be called for dinner in awhile
Tucked in post-prayers
And seven requests for water
After the bed-bugs and boogey men
Are scared away.
And I love’s you’s are said
And I love you to Jupiter and back

No I am woman
With handle bars in hand
And a seat at home
Warm still
From meeting with a friend
Who’s cancer is in her breast
And uncertainty is lodged in her chest
But hope clings, spills from her lips.

I can sit up on my seat

Closer to the heavens
And pray, intercede
With the whirl of wind in my ears
Making noises like the empty conch at the sea
Making tears as
The wind splashes on my ears and in my face

I hid the fact that I wanted to stay and play
My bicycle and I

We are all children
Sitting perched upon our bicycles
Pedaling as hard as we can
Just trying to

Make our way back home.

In time for meatloaf, again
And
To find our lost dog in the yard.

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